Jim Norton Quotes

A quotes list created by Lee Sonogan

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Recently experiencing two of his comedy specials (One Night Stand: Jim Norton and Monster Rain) the American stand-up comedian is underrated amongst the greats currently in his scene. Being exposed to him on the Jim Norton & Sam Roberts show through interviews, he has been apart of a lot of media out through the last decade. In an attempt to know more about his history, here are the best quotes I could find of his.

  • While there may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone’s dining room window. – Jim Norton
  • The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it. – Jim Norton
  • I’m embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don’t like. – Jim Norton
  • Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don’t walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don’t like. – Jim Norton
  • They don’t tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy – the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar. – Jim Norton
  • People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn’t. – Jim Norton
  • Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades. – Jim Norton
  • People are just self-centered-it’s all about them. And we’re telling people it’s okay to be ‘all about you’ because you’re a victim and it’s not your fault. That’s why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish. – Jim Norton
  • It just seems like right now we’re in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it’s a lousy opinion or a shitty opinion, and comics I don’t think can ever fall into the trap of any groups that want to censor what a person says or thinks or punish a person for expressing what they think. Anything you say about a social issue is going to offend half the country. I don’t care how nicely you say it, I don’t care how well you construct the joke, simply by stating the opinion, you are for something and anti something else. – Jim Norton
  • I’m a big fan of talking dirty, but not everyone is good at it. I happen to be very good at it because I’m comfortable. I’ll say something sexy like, “You like that shit!” – Jim Norton
  • You look like a diabetic strip club owner. – Jim Norton
  • The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then. – Jim Norton
  • What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don’t have a hooker in your hotel room, you’re creepy and I don’t trust you. And I don’t do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That’s how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I’d look like a cat in a hoarders’ house. – Jim Norton
  • The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it. – Jim Norton
  • And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they’re all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child. – Jim Norton

Norton has written two books that I am considering to check out for myself. Being a co-host with Matt Serra on the podcast UFC Unfiltered is another reason why I am slowly getting into MMA. As an actor, I thought his face looked familiar from an assortment of comedic/other films and TV that I have seen.



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