A quotes list created by Lee Sonogan
A dark humoured adaption from the Nintendo 64 era is remembered for single-player mode and multiplayer. Conker never has been this dark and gritty before this came out to the public. Personally never beat it, the experience of getting most of it done reminds me of Banjo Kazooie. Then the moments are nostalgic towards a different age.
- Conker: So, here I am, King. King of all the land. Who’d have thought that? Huh, not me. I guess you know who these guys are now, because I certainly do. I don’t wanna know them. And yup, I may be king, I have all the money in the world and all the land, and all that stuff. But you know, I don’t really think I want it. I just wanna go home, with Berri, and, I don’t know, have a bottle of beer. Hmmm. It’s not gonna happen. It’s true what they say, “The grass is always greener, and you don’t really know what it is you have, until it’s gone. Gone. [his eyes shift up to stare toward the screen] Gone.
- Rodent: A bit sore but, you know what? I reckon that that suit really works! I was flying through the air, next thing is, bam! I saw this thing coming towards me! Kinda like a windmill. Uh, doesn’t seem to be there anymore. Ah, well, never mind. At least I’m still here. So what’s happening?
- Buga the Knut: Open de snapshot, split’im in. Ooh, bleedy-bleed-bleed. Onig, big boner. [sees Conker] Who is aye? A sui-fur-geez. (Who is that? A squirrel.)[stands up to show off his giant bone club]WOMAN!!! Soure de Fangy! Satiide Mantinay. (Send in Fangy! Saturday matinee.)
- Little Girl: Mr. Squirrel! Guess what: The show’s not over till the little girl sings. Ooh, what’s this? A little red button. I think I’ll press it. [presses the button; a countdown appears] Ooh, and what is that? Lovely countdown. I wonder what’s going to happen now. [laughs maniacally]
- Buga the Knut: Uh, I will. [stands up and grabs his bone club] Bigga da boner splat face da squidgy la furry cankee, si! (I’m gonna take my big bone and smash that furry squirrel!)
- Don Weaso: Get outta here. [Berri leaves and Conker shrugs] Right, let’s get back to business. I just got one thing to do, though. I’ll be with you in a minute. People have gotta show the appropriate levels of respect. When you step outta line, you can expect to be respected back. One of you guys has shown no respect. Who it is? I don’t know. Could’ve been… Frankie! Could’ve been… Chicho! Could’ve been… Paulie. [comes to Paulie with a baseball bat and beats him to death]DON’T… YOU… EVER!… DO THAT!… AGAIN!… TO ME!
- Great Mighty Poo: [After Conker flushes him] Ah! You cursed squirrel! Look what you’ve done! I’m flushing, I’m flushing! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who’d have thought a good little squirrel like you could’ve destroyed my beautiful clagginess?!? Ah! I’m going! Oh! Ahh! No! Aaaaaaah!
- Count Batula: Ah, delicious. And familiar. Yes, I think you are my great, great, great, great, great grandson, Conker. Velcome to ze family. [laughs] Velcome indeed. I have a little task for you. These little villagers … occasionally pop into my establishment, to have a little fun … and see if they can kill me! It’s never vorked yet! As you can see, I’ve had a few … minor alterations to the house. Ve have ze grinder! And ve have ze pumps. And ve have some other bits and pieces. It is your duty, your errand, indeed, the whole point of your existence, as of zis day, is to fetch me ze villagers, put zem in ze grinder, and let me feed. You may feed too, if you vish, but only later! Vell? [Conker starts talking bat]
- Lead Catfish: What?! The cheek! Just a minute here, you… [Conker puts the wad of cash in his pocket] What do you think you’re doing?! That’s our mon-mon… Meow. [there’s now only one rope strand intact; the lead catfish turns around to see that the bulldogfish is about to break free] Oh, um, ladies, never mind the money for now. I think it’s time we were off. Tally ho. [the catfish swim away]
- Franky the Pitchfork: What kind of friends are you … in that case I is gonna kill myself, I’m gonna kill myself right now. That’s all there is to it. Fuck you!
- Gregg the Grim Reaper: Conker … Conker … Conker! Yes, you, boy. You’re dead! You are dead! Dead as a dodo! Deader than a …[feedback noise, Gregg walks out holding a megaphone] I can’t be arsed with this bloody ridiculous contraption! Whose idea was this, anyway? Right, hello! Um, my name’s Gregg, the Grim Reaper – and don’t laugh!
- Conker: Hm … a shotgun. Yeah. Don’t like the sound of zombies, though. Still, if it gets on his nerves, then that’s all right by me. And what was that about an ancestor, undead ancestor? Hm. Well, if he’s undead, then technically that makes him kind of dead, which means I should get the inheritance. I mean, how bad can a handful of dead people be? They’re dead! Well, undead. Now, let’s see … shotgun. I think it’s one of those B pressing moments, don’t you?
- Professor: Oh! Oh, no! Vat is..?! Oh, I forgot about ze airlocks! Oh, shit! Vat ze fuck?! Oh! I didn’t put ze high-powered boosters on my chair! I knew I should have done that! Whose idea was to go into space?! [his chair gets sucked into space] Oh, it was mine! Shit! Zis is it! Zis is ze end! No legs, and now no life! [gets sucked into space]
- Gargoyle: No. I don’t think so. I’ve only just got comfy. Have you ever sat on a piece of Gothic architecture for 200 years? Gets right up your arse, you know. Thought it was about time to move on to a bridge, say. And I’m not moving now.
- Conker: Oh, no! I felt sure that was it! Oh, this is the end! And to think it would end like this, so near! [just as Heinrich is about to pounce onto Conker, everything freezes, except Conker] Huh? Hello? What’s going on? Is this a joke? [comes out of the spacesuit] The game’s locked up! Ha! I don’t believe it! What is this? Is this the testing department’s day off or something? Hmm… This gives me an idea.