Quotes From Dilbert (TV Show)

A quotes list created by Lee Sonogan

Originally published on entertainmentcultureonline.com

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Dilbert is our blue-collar hero working at a cubicle. Originally a contribution to the funnies in newspapers, my introduction was the only two seasons before it got cancelled. Why? I dunno because it is pretty underrated in the commentary of its own culture based in the early 2000s. Overall the dialogue is smarter than then expected with a lot of characters willing to invest time into it (All the bert animals).

  • Dilbert: What makes you qualified to be a reporter? Dogbert: I’m willing to to violate anyone’s privacy for my personal gain and then claim with a straight face that the public has a right to know.
  • Pointy-Haired Boss: And remember, money is no object… unless you intend to spend it.
  • Dilbert: Why are we all forced to go to work at the same time? Who arbitrarily decided that 8 AM was a good time for everyone to go to work?
  • Pointy-Haired Boss: I don’t see anything that could stand in our way. Dilbert: Sanity? Reality? The laws of physics?
  • Dilbert: You said you’d wake me up at eight. Dogbert: I also said women are attracted to men shaped like potatoes.
  • Dogbert: That’s outrageous. Idiots shouldn’t have money.
  • Dilbert: There’s nothing wrong with my verbal skills. It only seems that way because my math skills are so high.
  • Dogbert: They say only the good die young. If that works both ways, I’m immortal.
  • Seven of Nine alarm clock: (beep) Get out of bed. Resistance is futile. Wake up and assimilate the day.
  • Wally: Who died and made you the Dalai Lama?
  • Loud Howard: That doesn’t look like the next generation of computing to me.
  • Pointy-Haired Boss: We’re getting rid of the tainted tablets in ancillary markets: buttons, coinage and teddy-bear eyes!
  • Dogbert: Remember, the first rule of brainstorming is to openly mock the opinions of others.
  • Pointy-Haired Boss: Everybody down, he’s becoming disgruntled.
  • Dadbert: You’ve got a lot of energy. When we get home I’m going to find out what drugs exist to break your spirit.
  • Dogbert: Nature will take its course. Dilbert: How long will that take? Dogbert: Not long. I’m part of nature.
  • Wally: Well that has ‘alibi’ written all over it.
  • Pointy-Haired Boss: They say no man faces death wishing he’d spent more time at the office… I guess that makes me the first.
  • Dilbert: Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out. Dogbert: Oh, it’s nothing you wouldn’t’ve done for me if you weren’t you and I wasn’t me and everything was completely different.
  • Dilmom: Standard Scrabble rules apply: no kicking, biting or slapping. No projectiles of any kind. Dilbert: Name calling? Dilmom: Only on your own turn.    

Dogbert is the one of literally steals the show, catbert plus the more detailed review below has more information to get interested in. Surely there are hundreds of more quotes like this but those who manually type this stuff into websites avoided a list even as double as long.




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