Jim Jefferies quotes

A list created by: Lee Sonogan

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Stand up comedian to talk show host, Jim Jefferies is an underated comedian. I do not care what other people think of him. Hosting The Jim Jefferies Show, writing mutiple stand up shows, written his own tv show and more, his style of comedy is relatable at all kinds of levels. Making it in America, he continues to be an American political commentor discussing all kinds of subjects. I knew of Jim Jefferies in Australia before he moved to America.

  • “Try not to be a cunt. And if you do that every day. You’ll be a good person.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “I don’t write my standup on paper or anything; but I just organically do it on stage, have an idea, chat it up a little bit. I’m keeping notes. I’m trying to keep up with this world and try to bring out a special every year.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “I always get a little bit pissed off when stand-up comedy is not recognised as being as good a craft as being an actor. We give Oscars to people and it’s like, ‘Aw, this person is the greatest person on earth’, but being an actor is pretty easy in comparison to stand-up comedy. It’s no surprise that several stand-up comics have gone on to become great actors. I don’t know any great actors that have gone on to become great stand-up comics.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “I want to make people think, and I don’t want to come across like I am egotistical or that I want to change people’s thoughts. I don’t believe that as a comic I can convert anyone’s opinion. I think I can maybe make someone look in one direction or the other but I can’t make a religious person stop believing in God.” – Jim Jefferies
  • ” If you don’t drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home…” – Jim Jefferies 
  • “Nobody cares that you’re smart and nobody cares that your kids don’t have bruises.
  • “The bible, that’s god book, as far as I know the devil hasn’t brought out a book yet, haven’t heard his side of the argument. God’s just writing shit about him, and the devil’s being the bigger man and saying I’m not even going to comment, talking shit about me like that.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “Do you think pandas know they’re Chinese and they’re taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?” – Jim Jefferies
  • The thing about crazy people; they don’t know they are crazy, that’s what make them crazy.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “There’s a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I’ve always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I’m trying to entertain myself more than anything.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “Because of the way I’ve made my money or the way I’ve conducted myself in public to get success, it doesn’t make me any better a person. So I always thought money and achievement would make me a more legitimate person, where my family seems to think it’s all about actions.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “We have a drinking game in Australia, it’s called drinking.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “If you hate gay marriage, then don’t marry a gay person.” – Jim Jefferies
  • “I’m not scared of dying, because I’m an atheist. I won’t even know I’m dead. You know why? Because I’ll be fùckin’ dead.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “There’s two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it’s normally them heckling as part of the show. They’re trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I’ve never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “I’ve never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “I can’t imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down – you go from being attractive to where they [directors] decided you’re out… I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn’t matter if I’ve gotten fatter.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It’s always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an AIDS joke won’t laugh at a cancer joke, but far more people know somebody who’s died from cancer.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “Before doing stand-up, I thought acting was easy – it’s not easy. It’s a hard life. It’s easy in its own way, you just stand there and talk. But there is a difference between people who can do it well and people who can’t.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “I wouldn’t perform in front of the Nazis. I hear they didn’t take freedom of speech too well. It would be a fun gig to rip into them, but I don’t think the ending would be great for me.” – Jim Jefferies  
  • “It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it.” – Jim Jefferies  

Check out his stand up specials on Netflix. If you like that like I did, I highly recommend also checking out The Jim Jefferies Show if you are interested in American Politics.

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