Bill Burr quotes

A list created by: Lee Sonogan

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Bill Burr is a stand up comic and much more. I first heard of him from the Joe Rogan Experience. Then relised some of my freinds liked him as well. I then watched clips from his Monday Morning Podcast and various interviews. Now I can say I am a fan. Also I did not relise he was in Breaking Bad. In 2017 he was ranked the 17th best stand uo comics of all time. His comedy ranges from, observational, surreal, black, blue, insult comedy and satire.

  • “There’s this critical point where you’ve stayed single for too long and your brain switches from ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t say that.’ to ‘Eh, fuck it, say it, see what happens.” – Bill Burr
  • “I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.” – Bill Burr
  • “As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names… ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?” – Bill Burr
  • “Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there’s like this whole added pressure to perform. ‘Cause it’s kinda like you’re not just humping for yourself. You’re humping for your race. You got to represent your people.” – Bill Burr
  • “Fuck this I’m going to get a pumpkin.” – Bill Burr
  • “You’re a kid, your whole life is awesome. It’s awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren’t scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards – just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can’t see your house, and not have a full on panic attack.” – Bill Burr
  • “It’s not until you’re an adult you appreciate how awesome a dog is. Your dreams start dying, somebody cheats on ya, bankers fuck up your 401k, ya know? Then ya come home and that dog’s looking at you and he’s like, ‘Dude, you’re awesome!’ It’s like No, dude you… You are fucking awesome!” – Bill Burr
  • “A good story is always you doing something wrong, you know? That’s why nice people are so damn boring. I mean, they’re nice, but their stories suck.” – Bill Burr
  • “Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?” – Bill Burr
  • “I’ve never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It’s always the little things that do me in.” – Bill Burr
  • “Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.” – Bill Burr
  • “You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.” – Bill Burr
  • “Put your head down, don’t be a dick, and you’ll get in.” – Bill Burr
  • “If this goes into sweatshop labor, I’m quitting this podcast.” – Bill Burr
  • “His tattoos are like shit that you wrote on the cover of your notebook.” – Bill Burr
  • “I think Twitter is really great for those comics that are good with the one-liners. The thing about the Internet is that there are so many different things you can do, as a comic, to get yourself out there. It could be YouTube, it could be Twitter, it could be blogging. On the Internet, it’s like I have my own little store. I have a bunch of YouTube videos up, and it’s like, ‘Check out these videos and if you like what I do, come check me out and if not… no harm, no foul.'” – Bill Burr
  • “I heard a quote once in a documentary about a band that said you’re better off owning everything 100 percent and selling 20,000 copies of an album than signing with a record company and selling a million copies. There has never been a truer statement about show business than that.” – Bill Burr
  • “I’m not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.” – Bill Burr
  • “My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.” – Bill Burr
  • “Podcasting is great. Total freedom.” – Bill Burr
  • “I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle.” – Bill Burr
  • “I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.” – Bill Burr
  • “What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.” – Bill Burr
  • “I’ve been guilty of being in the writers’ room and going too dark; other people have gone too wacky and zany.” – Bill Burr
  • “My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy.”  – Bill Burr
  • “I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.” – Bill Burr
  • “Did you ever spell a word so bad that your spell check has absolutely no clue what you’re trying to spell? What do you end up getting, you end up getting, like, a question mark. You got a million dollars of technology just looking back at you like, ‘You got me, buddy. Which is pretty amazing because I have all the words.” – Bill Burr

I would go see him live if he came to Australia.  Not seeing all six of his stand up specials there is more of him I need to check out. He also has an animated sitcom on Netflix called F Is for Family. Creating the show with Michael Price, I reccomend checking it out. Season 3 of it will be released in November 2018.

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