George Carlin quotes

A list created by: Lee Sonogan

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An old stand up comedian that I enjoy. He was also an actor, author and social critic before his death in the year of 2008. Known for black comedy and reflections on many interesting topics, many of his recorded stand up shows are great. He has surely influenced so much other comedians that I also enjoy. The following list will contain some of his best quotes ever.

  • “People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”
    ― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?
  • “The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
    Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
    Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn’t a skill… it’s a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn’t say I’m proud to be 5’11”; I’m proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”
    ― George Carlin, Brain Droppings
  • “Don’t just teach your children to read…
    Teach them to question what they read.
    Teach them to question everything.”
  • ― George Carlin
  • “I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
    ― George Carlin
  • “What if there were no hypothetical questions?”
    ― George Carlin
  • “I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don’t confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything’s gonna be all right.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land, they own and control the corporations that’ve long since bought and paid for, the senate, the congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pocket, and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all of the news and the information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else. But I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: ‘I’m such a klutz!’ But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Everyone smiles in the same language.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a ‘common purpose’. ‘Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they’re going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you’re really looking.”
    ― George Carlin
  • “The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you’ve lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that’s bigger than you are and that controls you.”
    ― George Carlin, Last Words
  • “If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
    ― George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty
  • “I think I am, therefore, I am… I think.”
    ― George Carlin

Regarded and respected by his peers. He was called The dean of counterculture comedians. Many people say and listed him as one of the best comedians of all time. I recommend checking out his stuff.

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